Crayon Craft Fun

Instead of handing out Kit Kats to your kid's classmates, make these chunky heart-shaped crayons, perfect for small hands. You'll need about 4-5 crayons per heart and a heart-shaped metal or silicone muffin tin. This is a perfect project for getting rid of broken bits of crayons at the bottom of your craft drawer!

Teaching Toddlers Responsibility

What mom doesn’t dream of raising a responsible child who goes about her chores cheerfully and remembers to do them without nagging.Will your child live up to this vision? Probably not (at the very least you’ll have to nag now and then!). But that doesn’t mean you can’t give your toddler some household tasks to tackle now. Even though your two-year-old is still too tiny to keep up with a set schedule of chores, you can take advantage of her desire to mimic you (and Dad) and give her a few jobs to do as you go about your day. She’ll get a real feeling of accomplishment as she pitches in and does her share — and that, in turn, will feed into her sense of responsibility, especially when you reward her “help” with a lot of hugs and kisses (“Nice work, Sweetie!”). Eventually, those small jobs can grow into regular chores when she’s a preschooler (and beyond) — even if those assignments are simple ones like getting dressed on her own and putting her dirty clothes into the hamper.

To get started, try these tips:

Begin early. By 18 months, kids are able to understand simple commands (“Bring me your sippy cup, please!”).  They also have the manual dexterity and attention span for small chores, like putting away one of their books at the end of story time or watering the plants (as long as you don't mind that the table and floor get splashed, too). Some other tasks that are perfect for two-year-olds learning responsibility: Helping you pick up the toys, sort her clean socks, or throw paper into the recycling bin (make sure you hand her the papers first — you don’t want to be going through the recycling bin searching for a missing bill!). A three-year-old can try her hand at setting the table (nonbreakables only!) and helping you pull weeds. The trick is to break down the job into smaller parts (“Let’s put away the dolls first, and then we can tackle the blocks’) and show your child exactly what you want her to do. Lower your expectations, too — if she just sorts one pair of socks or puts away two stuffed animals, that’s good enough to begin with.

Make chores fun. Just as it’s easier for you to vacuum if you’ve got the iPod playing, anything that makes helping out fun will keep your toddler interested. Make up silly songs that the two of you can belt out as you pick up the toys or set the table. Try turning kids' chores into games; for example, you might challenge your child to put away her clothes before you finish folding the towels and sheets. When she’s closer to three, consider putting up a chore chart in her room that she can fill with her choice of stickers when she’s finished one of her tasks (taking her plate and cup to the sink, say, or sorting her socks).

Keep the pressure off. However good your intentions, criticizing your toddler’s work or “fixing” what she’s done will make her feel like she’s done something wrong and sap her desire to pitch in. You can guide her as she’s doing the task (“Wow! That’s a really clean tomato! Let’s wash that cucumber now!”), but don't butt in or take over. You may need to redo some of your toddler’s work (like redust the furniture or reclean the window), but don't let her see you do so — if you really want to teach responsibility, you want her to feel that it's her job, not yours. Instead, lavish plenty of praise and encouragement for whatever she’s accomplished. Just remember to keep giving her gentle reminders as she works — even if she’s doing the same chore she did that morning. Toddlers have short memories, which is why they live in the moment (and think chores are a blast).

Food Allergies

Only about six to eight percent of children under age three have food allergies — usually to cow's milk, eggs, or peanuts. But for those who have them, the condition can be life-threatening, so it's smart to know what signs to look for (and what to do about them) now.

One way to determine whether your child has a tendency toward allergies is to look at your family history, since studies show a strong genetic connection. That means that if you or your spouse has any kind of allergic condition, like hay fever, eczema, or asthma, your child is more likely to have one, too.  If this is the case with your family, your baby's doctor may recommend playing it extra safe by extending breastfeeding for the entire first year, if possible; delaying solids until after six months of age or later; introducing new foods gradually (one every week); and delaying the introduction of eggs until age two, and peanuts, nuts, and fish until age three. (Cow's milk should be delayed for all children until age one.)

How will you know if your child has an allergic reaction? There are a number of signs that can appear minutes to an hour after eating the offending food that include:

• runny nose or eyes
• vomiting
• diarrhea
• crying due to stomach pain
• rash, hives, or eczema
• wheezing or difficulty breathing
• blood in stool

If you suspect your wee one has had an allergic reaction, consult with your doctor or a pediatric allergy specialist. They can do tests to help determine whether your baby has a true food allergy or other issue (such as lactose intolerance).

If a true allergy exists, you'll need to keep your baby away from the offending food (sometimes just touching it or even inhaling its scent can be dangerous). That means you'll get plenty of practice reading labels and asking about food ingredients at restaurants and playdates. Work with your doctor to come up with a response plan in case your baby is accidentally exposed to the food, and share this plan with anyone who cares for your baby, including regular child-care providers, occasional babysitters, and grandparents. Yes, it's scary — but the good news is that many babies outgrow allergies to milk and eggs (although nut and fish allergies tend to linger).

Note: A severe allergic reaction (called anaphylaxis) to food is a life-threatening emergency — and it can be very scary for everyone involved. Immediate medical attention is critical, so call 911 if your baby's symptoms include difficulty breathing or passing out.

Potty Training Best Between Ages 2 and 3

FRIDAY, Jan. 22 (HealthDay News) -- If you're ready to ditch your toddler's diapers for good, the best time to start potty training may be between the second and third birthdays.

A new study suggests 27 to 32 months is the ideal window for moving your child out of diapers. Children who were toilet trained after 32 months were more likely to have urge incontinence -- daytime wetting and bed-wetting -- between ages 4 and 12.

And potty training children sooner than 27 months generally doesn't work either, according to background information in the study. Prior research has shown potty training too soon just prolongs the process.

"There are two schools of thought on potty training. One is to try to train the kids very, very early, and another says you should wait until kids are older and demonstrating signs of being ready. But there has never been a study scientifically showing when is the best time," said lead study author Dr. Joseph Barone, chief of urology at Bristol-Myers Squibb Children's Hospital in New Brunswick, N.J. "This study gives parents an idea of when it's a good time to train," he said.

Although there are always parents on the playground who brag they trained their child in a day, the study -- published in the December 2009 issue of the Journal of Pediatric Urology -- found timing was more important than technique.

Researchers asked the parents of 157 children ages 4 to 12 who were seen by a doctor for urge incontinence about when they started potty training and which method they used. Their answers were compared to those from the parents of 58 children matched for age, gender, race and other factors who did not have urge incontinence.

The mean age for toilet training of children with urge incontinence was 31.7 months, compared to 28.7 months for children who did not have problems with daytime wetting.

As for technique, parents were given three choices: a child-oriented approach, described as waiting for the child to show signs of readiness before initiating training and then letting the child direct the toilet training process; a parent-oriented approach, described as starting training when the parent was ready and then bringing the child to the toilet at regular, defined intervals, or a combination of the two.

Researchers found no difference in the method of toilet training and the likelihood of having problems with wetting at ages 4 to 12.

Age shouldn't be the deciding factor in beginning potty training, said Peter Stavinoha, author of the book "Stress-Free Potty Training" and a clinical neuropsychologist at Children's Medical Center of Dallas.

The key is making sure your child is physically and developmentally ready, Stavinoha said. Although many children will show potty training readiness at about 2 1/2, it can vary, Stavinoha said.

"Many parents approach potty training as something over which they have total control," Stavinoha said. "Parents are a big contributor to their child's development, but they don't really control it. Parents are there to facilitate, to guide, to reinforce and to praise, but parents shouldn't put pressure on themselves that if they do a series of steps, the children will achieve a certain outcome."

If you feel like you've been changing diapers forever, you're not alone. Over the last few decades, the mean age of potting training has crept up in the United States and other countries, including Brazil, Switzerland and China, the article said. In 1980, the mean age U.S. children were toilet-trained was 26 months. In 2003, it was 36.8 months.

One possible explanation for later potty training is the widespread availability and convenience of disposable diapers, the study authors propose.

Tips to Trouble-Free Toilet Training When you think it's time, Barone and Stavinoha offer these tips for getting kids trained: Look for signs of readiness. These include showing interest in the potty or toilet; staying dry during naps or for several hours during the day; being able to follow simple directions; being able to pull down their own pants; using words, posture or facial expressions that indicate they have to go. Make a small potty available in the bathroom. Try doing practice runs when you think your toddler might need to go by having him sit or stand in front of the potty for a few minutes several times a day. Most likely, your toddler won't actually go, Stavinoha said. But it can help them recognize the urge to go and associate the potty with it. If your child resists, don't sweat it. Setting up a battle of wills will only make the process unnecessarily difficult on mom and dad. Back off for a few weeks, then try again. While potty training, avoid asking: "Do you have to go to the potty?" "You're almost guaranteed your child will tell you 'no'," Stavinoha said. If a child is 4 or 5 and still not staying dry during the day, or if you suspect the reason may have a physical cause, discuss it with the pediatrician, Stavinoha said.

More information

There's more on potty training at the American Academy of Family Physicians.

Study links infections in womb to asthma

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – U.S. researchers have linked mothers' infection during pregnancy to asthma, the most common chronic disease among American children, in their offspring.

A 16-year study following nearly 400,000 births in California found that when mothers had an inflammation known as chorioamnionitis and if a baby was born pre-term, that child was more likely to develop asthma by age 8.

Such inflammation of the placenta or amniotic fluid can result from a number of bacterial infections of the vagina, including E. coli and group B streptococci.

Chorioamnionitis complicates 8 percent of pregnancies, according to the study published on Monday in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.

Dr. Darios Getahun of the Kaiser Permanente Department of Research & Evaluation in Pasadena, California, who led the study, said doctors had assumed that being born pre-term was the reason children developed asthma later in life.

The study showed that chorioamnionitis is a factor in asthma independent of pre-term birth, Getahun said in a telephone interview.

Getahun said the findings point out the importance of prenatal care.

"Women sometimes tend to underestimate the importance of prenatal care and miss opportunities for finding this type of problem before it occurs," he said.

In 2006, nearly 10 million U.S. children were diagnosed with asthma and 6.8 million had an asthmatic episode, making it the most common chronic childhood disease, according the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

The researchers used electronic health records to follow 397,852 single births from 1991 to 2007 at Kaiser Permanente medical centers in Southern California.

Blacks are about 25 percent more likely to have asthma than whites and this infection could explain much of the difference, the researchers said.

If a mother had the infection and if her baby was born pre-term, the risk of asthma was 98 percent higher for black children, 70 percent higher for Hispanic children and 66 percent higher for whites, the researchers found.

(Reporting by JoAnne Allen; Editing by Maggie Fox and Cynthia Osterman)

Children Likelier to See Dentist if Parents Go Too

Parents who make regular visits to the dentist are more likely to take their children to the dentist, a new study shows.

Using data from a recent National Health Interview Study on 6,107 children aged 2 to 17, and their parents, researchers found that 77 percent of children and 64 percent of parents had seen a dentist in the previous year.

Kids whose parents saw a dentist were more likely to have seen a dentist, too. About 86 percent of children whose parents had a dental visit during the preceding year had a dental exam, compared to about 63 percent of the children whose parents hadn't, the study authors found.

With cavities in children on the rise, programs that encourage kids to take care of their teeth should also target their parents, said study author Dr. Inyang Isong, a pediatrician and research fellow at Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Child and Adolescent Health Policy.

"Strategies to promote oral health should focus on the whole family," Isong said.

In the study, about 76 percent of the parents were employed, and the same number had health insurance. But even among those with health coverage, financial barriers kept some families out of the dentist's chair, Isong said.

Among parents who delayed dental care because of cost, 27 percent of their children also had dental care deferred.

Tooth decay is one of the most common chronic diseases in the United States, especially among minority and lower-income kids, according to background information in the study released online Feb. 1 in advance of publication in the March print issue of Pediatrics.

Mary Hayes, a pediatric dentist in Chicago and a spokewoman for the American Dental Association, said the study reflects what she sees in practice.

"We know for so many different behaviors that children pick up on their parents," Hayes said. "In order for good oral health in children to occur, parents need to value oral health as well."

The American Dental Association recommends children have their first dental visit by their first birthday. Since many parents don't think to take their partially toothless infant to the dentist, a move has developed in recent years to teach pediatricians and other non-dental health-care providers about preventive dental care, Hayes said.

State Medicaid programs, for example, have started paying physicians to apply topical fluoride treatments during well-child visits, according to a second study in the same journal by researchers at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.

While about 70 percent of doctors taking part in a Medicaid demonstration project reported they provided preventive dental care on a routine basis, challenges in getting doctors on board included difficulty in applying the varnish, difficulty integrating dental care into the practice and resistance among staff, the researchers noted.

Hayes said having primary-care doctors more involved in preventive dental care is a good idea. For too long, oral health and the health of the rest of the body have been treated as separate concerns, when the condition of the teeth and the gums actually is an indication of overall health.

"I do believe we need to be getting pediatricians more aware of oral health issues," Hayes said. "These projects are trying to figure out how to connect the disciplines of dentistry and medicine, and that makes sense for us all as patients."

One hurdle, however, is that oral health care training in medical school is minimal, according to a third study in the same journal by researchers from Children's Mercy Hospital and Clinics in Kansas City, Mo. Their study found that even Web-based training for pediatric residents could help them learn the skills to do a basic oral exam, though also getting hands-on treatment from a dentist is better.

Pinkeye in Toddlers

Pretty in pink? Not so much — if your daughter comes down with a case of pinkeye, that is. Pinkeye (aka conjunctivitis in medicalese) is an infection of the conjunctiva (the membrane lining the eyes and lids) and announces itself with —you guessed it — the white part of the eye turning pink (or even red) as the eye’s blood vessels become inflamed. You’ll also notice some swelling in the eye, and your child may wake up in the morning or from her naps with crusty, dried secretions around her eyelids. Yes, it looks awful, but it looks a whole lot worse than it actually is (in other words, no need to worry).

Because conjunctivitis can be caused by many of the same viruses that also cause colds (and in fact, kids often develop pinkeye when they get the sniffles), think of it as a “cold” in your toddler’s eye. But pinkeye can also be caused by bacteria and even allergens and irritants (like dust, smoke, or soap). Here’s how to tell what’s putting the pink in your toddler’s peepers:

• If one or both eyes are pink and there’s a lot of tearing and a yellow or green discharge, then a virus or bacteria is probably causing your tot’s conjunctivitis.
• If both eyes are pink and teary and itchy — and your toddler is also complaining of a stuffy, runny, or itchy nose — allergies may be the culprit.

Pinkeye from allergies or chemical irritants isn’t contagious. But bacterial and viral pinkeye are very contagious — and transmitted by coughing, sneezing, and hand-eye contact with those eye secretions. Because kids rub their eyes a lot and then touch things (meaning everything and everyone!), one tot with a case of contagious conjunctivitis can really start an epidemic in day care or preschool. So if your little one has a case of pinkeye, it’s best to keep her at home so she doesn’t pass the pink on to her pals. You should also get her to the pediatrician, pronto! (It’s a good idea for a doctor to check any pink discoloration in the eye, even if you suspect it’s only allergies.)

Treating pinkeye
Because it can be hard, even for doctors, to know whether a case of conjunctivitis is viral or bacterial, pediatricians often prescribe antibiotic drops when they suspect either one, just to be on the safe side — even though only the bacterial infection will respond to the medicine (viral pinkeye usually goes away on its own). If your doctor can definitively diagnose bacterial pinkeye, your child can return to day care or preschool after she’s been using the antibiotic eyedrops or ointment for 24 hours. If there’s a suspicion that it might be viral, then keep her home until she’s no longer contagious (that would be when her eye stops discharging gunk, the color goes back to normal, and she’s no longer rubbing it).

While the drops are working their magic, you can keep your child comfortable with such soothers as:

• Warm, wet cloths to wipe the goop and crusties from your toddler’s eyes — especially in the mornings and after naps.
• Compresses (warm if it’s bacterial/viral; cool if it’s allergies or other irritants) to reduce the swelling.”
• Acetaminophen or ibuprofen (taken orally) to relieve the discomfort.
• Antihistamine eyedrops for allergy-related pinkeye. Always ask your doctor first before using any eyedrops on your toddler.

To help prevent your child’s infection from spreading to the rest of the family, follow these tips:

• Change your child’s bed linens and towels after the infection has run its course — and wash them in hot water separately from the rest of the family laundry. Make sure everyone in your house uses his or her own washcloths and towels. This is one time when you don’t want to encourage sharing!
• Make sure everyone washes his or her hands frequently — with soap. Encourage your tot to keep scrubbing until she’s gotten through two verses of the "Happy Birthday” song.
• Wipe or spray commonly used items around the house — faucet and door handles, plastic toys, and so on — with disinfectants. And tell your child’s day-care teacher so that she can disinfect the day-care area. If your tot goes to swim class, alert that teacher as well — under-chlorinated pools are a prime source for bacterial pinkeye.
• Remind every family member (you too!) not to touch his or her eyes.

Pinkeye usually runs its course in three to five days. Any infection that lingers beyond a few days with treatment (or a week without), particularly if your toddler develops a fever, can mean the infection is spreading and should be reevaluated by your pediatrician.

 

Studies Reveal Why Kids Get Bullied and Rejected

AP – In this file photo, Kevin Louie, left, a student at P.S. DuPont Elementary School, is a victim of bullying …

Kids who get bullied and snubbed by peers may be more likely to have problems in other parts of their lives, past studies have shown. And now researchers have found at least three factors in a child's behavior that can lead to social rejection.

The factors involve a child's inability to pick up on and respond to nonverbal cues from their pals.

In the United States, 10 to 13 percent of school-age kids experience some form of rejection by their peers. In addition to causing mental health problems, bullying and social isolation can increase the likelihood a child will get poor grades, drop out of school, or develop substance abuse problems, the researchers say.

"It really is an under-addressed public health issue," said lead researcher Clark McKown of the Rush Neurobehavioral Center in Chicago.

And the social skills children gain on the playground or elsewhere could show up later in life, according to Richard Lavoie, an expert in child social behavior who was not involved with the study. Unstructured playtime - that is, when children interact without the guidance of an authority figure - is when children experiment with the relationship styles they will have as adults, he said.

Underlying all of this: "The number one need of any human is to be liked by other humans," Lavoie told LiveScience. "But our kids are like strangers in their own land." They don't understand the basic rules of operating in society and their mistakes are usually unintentional, he said.

Social rejection

In two studies, McKown and colleagues had a total of 284 children, ages 4 to 16 years old, watch movie clips and look at photos before judging the emotions of the actors based on their facial expressions, tones of voice and body postures. Various social situations were also described and the children were questioned about appropriate responses.

The results were then compared to parent/teacher accounts of the participants' friendships and social behavior.

Kids who had social problems also had problems in at least one of three different areas of nonverbal communication: reading nonverbal cues; understanding their social meaning; and coming up with options for resolving a social conflict.

A child, for example, simply may not notice a person's scowl of impatience or understand what a tapped foot means. Or she may have trouble reconciling the desires of a friend with her own. "It is important to try to pinpoint the area or areas in a child's deficits and then build those up," McKown explained.

Ways to help

When children have prolonged struggles with socializing, "a vicious cycle begins," Lavoie said. Shunned children have few opportunities to practice social skills, while popular kids are busy perfecting theirs. However, having just one or two friends can be enough to give a child the social practice he or she needs, he said.

Parents, teachers and other adults in a child's life can help, too. Instead of reacting with anger or embarrassment to a child who, say, asks Aunt Mindy if her new hairdo was a mistake, parents should teach social skills with the same tone they use for teaching long division or proper hygiene. If presented as a learning opportunity, rather than a punishment, children usually appreciate the lesson.

"Most kids are so desperate to have friends, they just jump on board," Lavoie said.

To teach social skills, Lavoie advises a five-step approach in his book "It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success" (Touchstone, 2006). The process works for children with or without learning disabilities and is best conducted immediately after a transgression has been made.

1) Ask the child what happened and listen without judgment.

2) Ask the child to identify their mistake. (Often children only know that someone got upset, but don't understand their own role in the outcome.)

3) Help the child identify the cue they missed or mistake they made, by asking something like: "How would you feel if Emma was hogging the tire swing?" Instead of lecturing with the word "should," offer options the child "could" have taken in the moment, such as: "You could have asked Emma to join you or told her you would give her the swing after your turn."

4) Create an imaginary but similar scenario where the child can make the right choice. For example, you could say, "If you were playing with a shovel in the sand box and Aiden wanted to use it, what would you do?"

5) Lastly, give the child "social homework" by asking him to practice this new skill, saying: "Now that you know the importance of sharing, I want to hear about something you share tomorrow."

The studies are detailed in the current issue of the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. They were funded by the Dean and Rosemarie Buntrock Foundation and the William T. Grant Foundation.

RECALL: Children’s Toy Jewelry Sets Recalled by Playmates Toys; Charms Violate the Total Lead Standard

WASHINGTON, DC – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission and Health Canada, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following products. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Tiny Tink and Friends Children’s Toy Jewelry Sets

Units: About 252,000

Importer: Playmates Toys, of Costa Mesa, Calif.

Hazard: A cylindrical metal connector on a charm can contain levels of total lead in excess of 300 ppm, which is prohibited under federal law.

Incidents/Injuries: None reported.

Description: This recall involves charms sold with the Tiny Tink and Friends toy jewelry sets. The charm is attached to a cord using a metal ring and cylinder and included with the sets as a separate accessory that children can attach to the toy necklace, bracelet or key chain. The toy jewelry sets containing the charm accessory were sold in a variety of styles:
Item #    UPC #    Description
74634    0 43377 74634 8    Tinker Bell's Lil’ Tinker Bracelet
74641    0 43377 74641 6    Tinker Bell's Lil’ Tinker Bracelet
74631    0 43377 74631 7    Rosetta's Rosebud Key Chain
74632    0 43377 74632 4    Silvermist's Water Lily Necklace

Charms that have plastic tabs instead of metal rings and cylinders are not included in this recall.

Sold at: Retailers nationwide from November 2008 through November 2009 for between $6 and $8.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy: Consumers should immediately take the charm and cord away from children, discard the items, and contact Playmates Toys for a replacement charm accessory.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Playmates toys at (888) 810-1133 between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. PT Monday through Friday or visit the firm’s Web site at www.playmatestoys.com

Note: Health Canada’s press release is available at http://cpsr-rspc.hc-sc.gc.ca/PR-RP/recall-retrait-eng.jsp?re_id=954

Note: CPSC was alerted to this hazard by the State Attorney General of California


---

CPSC is still interested in receiving incident or injury reports that are either directly related to this product recall or involve a different hazard with the same product. Please tell us about it by visiting https://www.cpsc.gov/cgibin/incident.aspx

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is charged with protecting the public from unreasonable risks of serious injury or death from thousands of types of consumer products under the agency's jurisdiction. The CPSC is committed to protecting consumers and families from products that pose a fire, electrical, chemical, or mechanical hazard. The CPSC's work to ensure the safety of consumer products - such as toys, cribs, power tools, cigarette lighters, and household chemicals - contributed significantly to the decline in the rate of deaths and injuries associated with consumer products over the past 30 years.

To report a dangerous product or a product-related injury, call CPSC's Hotline at (800) 638-2772 or CPSC's teletypewriter at (301) 595-7054. To join a CPSC e-mail subscription list, please go to https://www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.aspx. Consumers can obtain recall and general safety information by logging on to CPSC's Web site at www.cpsc.gov.

How to Handle Jealous Siblings

If your first-born has started acting up since the birth of his new sibling, he may be jealous of this new challenger for his attention. Here’s how to smooth things out.

First-born Jealousy

• Teach your toddler how to play with the baby in the same way you teach him anything else: talk to him, demonstrate, guide and encourage.
• Don't blame everything on the new baby–be careful not to say things like: "We can't go to the park because the baby's sleeping."
• Acknowledge your toddler's unspoken feelings by saying things like: "Things sure have changed with the new baby here. It's going to take us all some time to get used to this." When your child knows you understand his feelings, he'll have less need to act up to get your attention.
• Say extra I love yous, increase your daily dose of hugs and find time to read a book or play a game. Temporary behavior problems are normal and can be eased with an extra dose of time and attention.

 

efore your new baby arrived, your toddler was told he'd have a wonderful little brother to play with and how much fun it would be. Then the little brother was born and your toddler started thinking, "This squirming, red-faced baby that takes up all your time and attention is supposed to be fun?" Here are 10 ways to help him make the transition from only child to eldest:

1. Teach him how to interact

Your first goal is to protect the baby. Your second, to teach your older child how to interact properly. You can teach your toddler how to play with the baby in the same way you teach him anything else. Talk to him, demonstrate, guide and encourage. Until you feel confident that you've achieved your second goal, however, do not leave the children alone together. If you see your toddler about to get rough, pick up the baby and distract the older sibling with a song, a toy, an activity or a snack. This action protects the baby while helping you avoid a constant string of "Nos," which could encourage the aggressive behavior.

2. Teach soft touches

Teach your toddler how to give the baby a back rub. Tell him how this kind of touching calms the baby and praise the older child for a job well done. This teaches him how to be physical with the baby in a positive way. Your toddler will be watching as you handle the baby and learning from your actions, so you are his most important teacher.

3. Act quickly

Every time you see your child act roughly with the baby, respond quickly. You might firmly announce, "No hitting, time out." Place the child in a time-out chair and say, "You can get up when you can use your hands in the right way." Allow him to get right up if he wants–as long as he is careful and gentle with the baby. This isn't punishment, it's just helping him learn that rough actions aren't permitted.

4. Praise your toddler often

Whenever you see your older child touching the baby gently, make a positive comment. Make a big fuss about the important "older brother." Hug and kiss him and tell him how proud you are.

5. Don't blame everything on the new baby

Be careful not to say things like: "We can't go to the park because the baby's sleeping;" "Be quiet, you'll wake the baby;" or "After I change the baby I'll help you." At this point, your child would just as soon sell the baby! Instead, use alternate reasons. "My hands are busy now;" "We'll go after lunch;" "I'll help you in three minutes."

6. Be supportive

Acknowledge your toddler's unspoken feelings, by saying things like, "Things sure have changed with the new baby here. It's going to take us all some time to get used to this." Keep your comments mild and general. Don't say, "I bet you hate the new baby." Instead, say, "It must be hard to have Mommy spending so much time with the baby." When your child knows that you understand his feelings, he'll have less need to act up to get your attention.

7. Give extra love

Increase your little demonstrations of love for your child. Say extra I love yous, increase your daily dose of hugs and find time to read a book or play a game. Temporary regressions or behavior problems are normal, and can be eased with an extra dose of time and attention.

8. Involve your toddler

Teach the older sibling how to be helpful with the baby or how to entertain the baby. Let your toddler open the baby gifts and use the camera to take pictures of the baby. Teach him how to put the baby's socks on. Let him sprinkle the powder. Praise and encourage whenever possible.

9. Make each feel special

Avoid comparing siblings, even about seemingly innocent topics such as birth weight, when each first crawled or walked, or who had more hair-children can interpret these comments as criticisms.

10. Take a deep breath and be calm.

This is a time of adjustment for everyone in the family. Reduce outside activities, relax your housekeeping standards and focus on your current priority–adjusting to your new family size.

Turn the Terrible Twos into Something Terrific

Eight tips for maintaining your sanity with a toddler

Terrible Twos

• Remember that the world is still new and challenging to your child. Be patient with her and watch how she manipulates through her day–you will be rewarded with glimpses of her ingenuity and creativity.
• Understand your toddler's challenges and frustrations so you can learn to avoid some of them. If a new task is stressing her out, let her try something she's already mastered to help boost her confidence.
• Avoiding "stimulation overload" will help keep toddler tantrums at bay.
• Toddlers learn through their curiosity–encourage your child's exploration of the world in safe ways and take the time to answer all her questions as you share in her new discoveries.

ou're no longer operating in a totally sleep-deprived state and rarely have spit up on your clothes, but now your child is beginning to voice her concerns, needs and wants with actual words–and sometimes more forcefully than others. Occasionally, you find yourself wishing she came equipped with a "pause" button.

    Not to worry–all parents find themselves in the same position: loving most of it and wondering, at times, what they've gotten themselves into. Here are eight tips to help see you through those tricky days of toddlerdom:

1. It's important to slow down and really watch your child–and be in awe of all she is learning and experiencing. Her days as a toddler will go fast, so let her re-introduce you to the world of childhood, filled with wonder and awe.

2. Respect your child's individuality. Watch how she copes and manipulates through a day. Remember that it's all still new and challenging to her–be patient and you will be rewarded with glimpses of her ingenuity and creativity.

3. Appreciate your child's moods and her efforts to interact with the world around her. Understand her challenges and frustrations so that you can learn how to avoid some of them. If she gets upset when she can't complete a task, distract her with something she's already mastered.

4. Watch for your child's signals that she is hungry, lonely, tired, frustrated or needs to be changed–and try to avoid those times by anticipating them in advance, then circumventing them with fewer errands, healthy snacks and respecting nap time as necessary for her to rejuvenate herself. You'll find yourself facing fewer toddler tantrums as a result.

5. Avoid "stimulation overload." When you do too much in a day or expose her to a lot of visual and/or auditory stimulation, your child has to let out the extra stimuli in the form of a tantrum, screaming or other behaviors. When this happens, it's a sign you may have pushed her a bit too far and she needs a quiet break.

6. Toddlers are incredibly curious. They are led by their curiosity and it's the way they learn. Be careful not to squelch that curiosity–instead, encourage her explorations in safe ways and marvel at the way her mind works.

7. Focus on your child. Take time to answer all her inquiries and questions so you can share your knowledge and insights about the world with her.

8. Respectfully parent your child. Respect involves listening to, considering, liking, enjoying and being in a mutual, interactive relationship with her. She will learn to respect you in turn. 

Help your Infant Communicate

Your guide to communicating with your baby from day one

Language Development

• Research shows babies as young as seven months old are aware of how sentences are organized.
• Speaking "baby talk" or parentese can help infants learn language.
• Repeat words, babbling and gestures to your baby from the beginning, then repeat your infant's words back to her as she acquires a vocabulary.
• Research shows babies exposed to sign language can sign five to six months before they can speak words verbally.
• It's never too late to start signing with your child–just start with basic signs (eat, milk, more) and incorporate them into your daily routine.

ou probably can't wait to have a real conversation with your baby, but you'd be amazed at how much you can say to one another long before she surprises you with her first word. Whether you're chatting verbally or trying your hand (literally) at baby sign language, here's how to open the lines of communication with your infant.

When babies learn language

A study by researchers at Johns Hopkins Medical School found infants learn language earlier than previously thought–babies just seven months old may be aware of how sentences are organized and can pick specific words out of fluent speech well before they can talk.

Infants show they're able to understand language early on by responding to directions, understanding words or pointing to family members, says Sara Bingham, author of The Baby Signing Book. And while motor skills needed for speech develop between 12 and 18 months, those needed for signing develop between six and 12 months. "Because babies gesture before they can talk, they can learn to sign before they can speak verbally," Bingham says.

Baby talk from 0-6 months

Studies show speaking "baby talk" with infants can help them learn language. Most adults speak differently to infants than they do to other adults. Infant-directed speech or "parentese" is slower, has a higher pitch, longer pauses, more repetition and simplified sentence structure. Studies show babies not only prefer parentese, but it helps them learn language by focusing their attention and making it easier for them to recognize individual words and patterns.

"The lyrical way we talk to babies naturally draws their attention," says Bingham. "Deaf parents do the same sort of singsong, but with their hands ‘parentese' becomes ‘gesturese.' All babies are born with the ability to react to both–babies babble with their hands and voices, but with hearing parents there's a drop off in the amount of gesture babble their infants use."

In the first few months, your baby plays with sound by experimenting with pitch, blowing raspberries and coughing for attention. "At this stage, your face and hands are more interesting than objects," says Bingham.  "Focus on interactions between you and your baby, don't always make it about the toys." When your baby "talks" to you, answer back. Imitate and repeat the sounds she makes, pause so she can respond–and you'll be having a "conversation" in no time.

"Label what they're seeing, what they're doing and what you're doing using simple words and signs," says Bingham. "I call it ‘narrating their world.'" So, when you're going through your daily routine, talk about what you're doing. "Say and sign ‘bath' and get really excited and eventually you'll notice a response," says Bingham.

"When we teach signing, we focus on key words–nouns and verbs. Signing makes you emphasize nouns and verbs and it slows down your speech. You also end up repeating the word more often." Repetition is key, she says. Repeat words, babbling and gestures from the beginning; then repeat your infant's words back to her as she acquires a vocabulary.

By end of 6 months your infant may:

• Babble with inflection
• Respond to her name
• Respond to sound by making sounds
• Babble chains of consonants (usually sounds for m, b, d)
• Use her voice to express pleasure and displeasure

 

Baby talk from 7 to 12 months

Babies usually start communicating with their own signs around eight or nine months, such as waving "bye bye" or lifting their arms to show they want to be picked up. When they start to speak, they usually start with nouns, such as "ball," or social words, such as "hi."

"When they reach the point of saying one word, up the ante and emphasize two words, such as "pretty flower," "brown doggy," or "cookie gone," says Bingham. "Then, when they're at the two-word level, up it again so you're always one level above where they're at and expanding on what they're saying as you help them learn."

By end of 12 months your infant may:

• Try to imitate words
• Say a few words, such as "dada" and "uh-oh"
• Understand simple instructions, such as "Please drink your milk"

Baby talk from 12 to 24 months

Typically babies can say between 10 and 20 words by the time they're 18 months old, although signing can help increase their vocabulary. (When Bingham's son was 17 months, he had 80 words in total–20 were verbal, 60 were signs.) To help encourage your child's speech and language development, read, sing and talk to her. Teach her signs or gestures for common items or phrases, especially those that seem to interest her most. And ask her questions, acknowledging her responses even if she's hard to understand. Studies show by 18 months, children can pick out grammatically correct sentences, even though they may only be able to say two words together.

By the end of 18 months your child may:

• Point to an object when it's named
• Recognize names of familiar people and objects
• Follow simple directions, such as "Bring me the shoe"
• Say up to 20 words

By the end of 24 months your child may:

• Ask for common items by name
• Use simple phrases, such as "more milk"
• Begin to use pronouns, such as "mine"
• Ask one- to two-word questions, such as "All gone?"
• Say up to 50 to 100 words

Baby signing tips

Research shows babies exposed to sign language can sign five to six months before they can speak words. And it's never too late to start, says Bingham, whose children learned fastest during their second years. "I think the ‘terrible twos' have a lot to do with frustration because they can't make themselves understood," she says. Here are some tips for signing with your infant:

1. Start with basic signs (eat, milk, more) and sign and speak at the same time, exaggerating your words and gestures.
2. Incorporate signs into daily routines while playing, singing and reading.
3. Speak in normal sentences, signing key words only.
4. Start slowly and add to your repertoire (and theirs) as they grow and their interests change.
5. Don't feel pressured or expect them to perform–make it fun and motivating.

All children develop differently, but if at any point you're concerned, talk to your doctor who may refer you to a speech pathologist. Other resources include the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (asha.org) in the U.S, and the Canadian Association of Speech-Language Pathologists and Audiologists (caslpa.ca).

How to Rekindle your Relationship

Your guide to falling in love all over again

Rekindling Relationships

• Ignore the frustrating little things he does and focus on the things that make you smile, like how he plays with the kids.
• Pay him a compliment–it not only makes him feel loved, it makes him feel more loving.
• Anytime you feel annoyed, take a minute to ask yourself: “How important is this?” and “Is this worth picking a fight over?”
• Make the effort to touch your partner more often, whether it’s a pat, a hug, a kiss or a shoulder massage.
• Take small, daily snippets of time when you can enjoy uninterrupted conversation and share your thoughts and feelings.

as your relationship been pushed down your list of priorities since having children? Your relationship with your partner is the foundation upon which your entire family is structured–so if your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong, you’ll be a better parent, and you’ll be a happier person. Here’s how to reconnect with your partner:

1. Make a commitment

To maintain a strong relationship or marriage, you must be willing to put time, effort and thought into nurturing it. Not only may you fall in love with your partner or spouse all over again, but your children will benefit. Children need daily proof that their family life is stable and predictable. When you make a commitment to your relationship, your children will feel the difference and blossom because their home life is thriving.

The surprising secret is that this doesn’t have to take any extra time in your already busy schedule. Just a change in attitude and a committed focus can yield a stronger, happier relationship.

2. Look for the good, overlook the bad

You chose to be with this person for many good reasons, so a key step in adding sizzle to your relationship is to look for the good and overlook the bad.

Make it a habit to ignore the annoying little things–dirty socks on the floor, a day-old coffee cup on the counter, an inelegant burp at the dinner table–and choose instead to search for those things that make you smile: the way he rolls on the floor with the baby; the fact that she made your favorite cookies, the peace in knowing someone so well that you can wear your worn out flannels or burp at the table.

3. Give two compliments every day

When we get a compliment, it not only makes us feel great about ourselves, it actually makes us feel great about the person giving the compliment. When your honey says, “You’re the best. I’m so glad I married you.” It not only makes you feel loved, it makes you feel more loving.

Compliments are easy to give, take very little time, and they’re free. Compliments are powerful; you just have to make the effort to say them. Anything works: “Thanks for picking up the cleaning. It was very thoughtful, you saved me a trip,” or “That sweater looks great on you.”

4. Play nice

How many times do you see–or experience–partners treating each other in impolite, harsh ways that they’d never treat a friend? Sometimes we take our partners for granted and unintentionally display rudeness. As the saying goes, if you have a choice between being right and being nice, just choose to be nice. Remember: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

5. Pick your battles

In any human relationship there will be disagreement and conflict. The key here is to decide which issues are worth pursuing and which are better off ignored. By doing this, you’ll find much less negative energy between you.

Anytime you feel annoyed, take a minute to examine the issue at hand, and ask yourself a few questions. “How important is this?” “Is this worth picking a fight over?” “What would be the benefit of choosing this battle versus letting it go?”

6. The 60-second cuddle

You can often identify a newly married couple just by how much they touch each other–holding hands, sitting close, touching arms, kissing–just as you can spot an “oldly-married” couple by how little they touch.

So here’s a simple reminder: make the effort to touch your spouse more often. A pat, a hug, a kiss, a shoulder massage–the good feeling it produces for both of you far outweighs the effort.

Whenever you’ve been apart, make it a rule that you will take just 60 seconds to cuddle, touch and connect. If you follow this advice, you’ll find yourselves touching each other more often and increasing the romantic aspect of your relationship.

7. Spend more time talking to, and listening to, your partner

I don’t mean, “Remember to pick up Jimmy’s soccer uniform.” Rather, get into the habit of sharing your thoughts about what you read in the paper, what you watch on TV, your hopes, your dreams, your concerns. Take a special interest in those things that your spouse is interested in and ask questions. And then listen to the answers.

8. Spend time with your spouse

It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being “Mommy” and “Daddy.” This doesn’t mean you have to take a two-week vacation in Hawaii. Just take small, daily snippets of time when you can enjoy uninterrupted conversation, or even just quiet companionship, without a baby on your hip, a child tugging your shirtsleeve or a teenager begging for the car keys.

A daily morning walk around the block or a shared cup of tea after all the children are in bed might work wonders to re-connect you to each other. And yes, it’s fine to talk about your children when you’re spending your time together because, after all, your children are one of the most important connections you have in your relationship.

When you and your spouse regularly connect in a way that nurtures your relationship, you may find a renewed love between you, as well as a refreshed vigor that will allow you to be a better, more loving parent. You owe it to yourself–and to your kids–to nurture your relationship.

Teaching Street Smarts to Keep Children Safe

The sooner children learn to stand up for themselves and be aware of potentially harmful situations, the better. Here's how to empower them and keep them safe.

Child Safety

• As soon as your toddler says her first words, it's time to start talking to her about safety.
• Don't frighten your child by expressing your own fears–instead, be matter-of-fact when discussing sensitive issues.
• Teach your child to listen to her instincts and know it's okay to say "no" to anyone acting inappropriately.
• Use the five P's–protect, prepare, practice, praise, preview–to teach your child new skills.
• Children who are loved unconditionally feel more worthwhile and are less likely to mistreat others, or allow someone to mistreat them.  

n today's world of increasingly early independence, it's more important than ever to teach children right from wrong at an early age. Here's how to empower your child so she can stand up for herself, but still feel comfortable coming to you if she ever feels threatened.

1.    Accept your role as protector and teacher.

No parent wants to admit that violence, bullying or online predators may find their way into their child's life. Unfortunately, these are issues most children face before they graduate from grade school. Be aware of any dangers in your neighborhood so you can better inform and protect your child.

2.    Safety First.

As soon as your toddler says her first words, it's time to start talking about safety. Let her know it's never okay to feel threatened by someone–and, if she does, she should come to you for help.

3.    Prepare - don't scare - your kids.

Research shows if you express your fears when telling your child about potential dangers, she won't remember your message, only that you were scared. Practice using moderate language and a matter-of-fact tone when you discuss sensitive issues. Focus on what your child needs to learn, rather than why it upsets you. Share your fears and worries with other adults, not your children.

4.    Help your child say "no."

Empower your child with the right to say "no" to anyone acting inappropriately–regardless of their position of power. This is a first step in turning "nice" kids, who are compliant in most situations, into "safe and strong" kids who obey adults unless they feel confused or threatened.

5.    Teach your child to respond to her instincts.

It might be a voice in her head that says, "Uh-oh, this isn't okay." Or maybe it's a feeling in the pit of her stomach. Teach your child to listen to her instincts and not to try to rationalize another person's behavior or wait for a situation to escalate.

6.    Teach and model healthy boundaries in relationships.

Children need to learn what a "respectful distance" looks and feels like. They also need to recognize if someone is ignoring boundaries and what to do about it.  

7.    Protect, Prepare, Practice, Praise and Preview. 

Use these five steps to teach your child the skills she will need when she learns something new, such as crossing the street on her own. The emphasis is on supervised practice, which allows you to gauge your child's progress and ensures that you don't give her a new privilege or responsibility before she is prepared to handle it successfully.  

8.    Monitor your child.

Protective parenting is not about hovering or being paranoid. It's about being a good observer, supervisor and sometimes a detective. Listen to, and watch, your child. Be curious, involved and ask questions. Notice any changes in her behavior or mood. You want to catch early signs of a budding problem, rather than deal with a full-blown crisis.

9.    Cultivate your child's self esteem and desirable traits.

Enthusiastically praise glimpses of behavior that you want to see more of. Your toddler will pick up on your pleasure in watching her become trustworthy and responsible. She will try harder to demonstrate those kinds of behaviors.

10.     Say: "I love you."

It's easy to say these three words when you are proud of something your child has done, but be sure to express your love when the going gets tough too. Children who are loved unconditionally feel more worthwhile and are less likely to mistreat others, or allow someone to mistreat them. 

Post-Partum Plastic Surgery

If your post-baby body has you contemplating surgery, here’s what you should know about the procedures most often chosen by moms

Post-Baby Plastic Surgery

• The most common procedures moms choose are breast augmentations and tummy tucks.
• Most surgeons recommend waiting until you've finished having children before going for a tummy tuck or breast reduction.
• It can take six weeks to fully recover from these types of surgery.
• Wait at least nine months after weaning before undergoing any breast procedures to ensure there is no milk left in your ducts.
• Most women who undergo breast augmentation can breastfeed if they have another child, but women who have breast reductions have more difficulty.

 f you're having trouble accepting your post-baby body and are considering a major "mommy makeover," here's what you should know about the plastic surgery procedures most often chosen by moms:

 

1. Breast Augmentation

Many women complain that their breasts are smaller or look saggy from breastfeeding. Breast augmentation is probably the most common post-baby procedure, says Dr. Sean Brian Rice, a plastic surgeon in Toronto.

What it is: A surgeon makes small incisions in the skin and places breast implants under the skin and tissue of the breasts. The incisions can be made in the creases of the breasts, in a circle around the nipples and areolas, or in the armpits.

There are several different types of implants available–most are filled with either a form of silicone gel or saline (saltwater) solution. Today's silicone gel implants are nothing like the ones that caused problems a few years ago, Dr. Rice says. Today, the gel implants are much safer and are designed to mimic real breast tissue.
 
What to expect: The surgery takes about 45 minutes under general anesthetic and can be done on an outpatient basis. Many plastic surgeons have operating rooms in their offices and you can usually go home the same day.

Dr. Rice says you can expect to be back at work within a week, although you should avoid heavy lifting for about two weeks. You can resume physical activity in two to four weeks.

Special considerations: The majority of women who undergo breast augmentation surgery can breastfeed again if they have another child. However, Dr. Rice recommends waiting at least nine months to a year after weaning before undergoing the procedure.

Cost: $6,500 to $8,000

2. Tummy Tuck

Stretch marks, stretched out muscles and flabby abdomens make tummy tucks tempting to many moms. "What happens with childbearing is that the ligament stretches and doesn't come back," says Dr. Rice. "You can do sit ups until the cows come home, but you're still going to have a pot belly."

What it is: Skin and fat are removed from the top of the pubic hairline to the top of the belly button and abdominal muscles are tightened. Everything from the belly button down is discarded, and everything above the belly button gets pulled down to the pubic hair line. (Any stretch marks that were below the belly button disappear, but any that were above the belly button reappear down around the public hairline.)

What to expect: Most tummy tucks are done under general anesthetic on an outpatient basis, although your surgeon may perform the procedure in a hospital rather than a clinic.

You can expect to be off work for at least a week, with no heavy lifting for at least two weeks. A full recovery usually takes about six weeks.

Special considerations: Permanent, non-dissolving stitches are used to put your abs back in position. Recent studies show that the muscle will stay in place even if you have another pregnancy, although the skin will stretch out again and you may need to return for a second procedure. Dr. Rice recommends waiting until you know you're finished having children before undergoing a tummy tuck.

Cost: $7,000 to $10,000

3.  Breast Reduction

For every woman who's upset that her breasts disappeared after breastfeeding, there's probably another who found that the larger breasts never went away. Heavy, sagging breasts can cause neck, shoulder and back pain, as well as headaches–many women turn to breast reduction to reduce the volume of their breasts.

What it is: Fat, tissue and skin are removed through incisions, then the breasts are reshaped. The type and direction of incisions may depend on the size of your breasts, or the amount of reduction desired. In some cases, the surgeon may remove your nipple and areola and change its size before reattaching it further up on the breast.

What to expect: The procedure can take at least an hour and a half, under general anesthetic. You can usually go home the same day, although you can expect to be in bed for a few days afterward.

Plan to take up to two weeks off work, and avoid doing any physical activity or heavy lifting for at least three weeks. It will take about six weeks to fully recover.

Special considerations: Dr. Rice recommends waiting at least nine months to one year after weaning before having a breast reduction. Also, if your nipples are removed and the areolas resized, you may lose some nipple sensitivity.

It is also more difficult to breastfeed after a breast reduction–Dr. Rice says that although you may be able to produce milk, you may only have a limited capacity. He recommends not undergoing the procedure until after having children if you want to breastfeed.

Cost: Covered under some provincial health plans in Canada; approximately $7,000 to $9,000 in the United States.

4. Liposuction

Some women complain of sagging arms, love handles and extra fat on the sides of their breasts under their armpits after they've had children. Liposuction removes excess fat and can also be done in conjunction with a tummy tuck or breast reduction.

What it is: Liposuction uses suction to remove fatty deposits from traditional trouble spots, such as the abdomen, thighs and upper arms. The surgeon uses suction through a stainless steel tube called a cannula to break up and remove fatty tissue.

Dr. Rice also uses a new method of laser liposuction called SmartLipo. A handheld laser is inserted through a small incision and the laser beam appears beneath the skin as a dim red light that is visible to the surgeon, allowing him to locate and remove fatty deposits. The laser wand is waved like a fan back and forth beneath the skin, where it eliminates the fat cells it comes in contact with.

What to expect: Most liposuction procedures take about 45 minutes and can be performed under local anesthetic.

Special considerations: Liposuction works best for someone in good overall physical condition and close to her ideal weight who simply wants to slim and sculpt specific areas. Dr. Rice does not recommed it for patients hoping to lose large amounts of weight with a single procedure.

Cost: Starts at approximately $4,000, with an additional $2,000 for each extra area of the body.

Postpartum Depression

How to spot the signs of postpartum depression and get help–now.

Postpartum Depression

• Up to 15% of new mothers suffer from postpartum depression (PPD).
• Postpartum depression is an illness caused by biochemical and hormonal changes following pregnancy and birth.
• Your OB/GYN or midwife can help you find a doctor that specializes in PPD.
• Learning more about baby care will help you feel more in control as a parent, which can help reduce your risks of postpartum depression.
• PPD support groups are excellent resources, but any group for new mothers can help you feel less isolated.

 

Related stories

• 1.  New Mom Survival Guide
• 2.  Pregnancy Spa Safety
• 3.  What Happens to Your Body After Childbirth

ostpartum depression doesn't mean you've done anything wrong–or that something is wrong with you. It is an illness and it can be cured. Once you learn more about what's causing the depression and take some steps towards treatment, you'll be on the road to finding yourself again and enjoying life with your new baby. Here's what you need to know:

What is postpartum depression?

About 80 percent of mothers experience temporary, minor depressed feelings (also known as "the baby blues") after giving birth. The baby blues usually go away within a few days or weeks.

Up to 15 percent of new mothers have a more severe reaction known as postpartum depression (PPD). Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first–but the symptoms are more intense and longer lasting. PPD can occur within the first year after childbirth. It is caused by the biochemical and hormonal changes that happen in the body following pregnancy and birth.

What are the symptoms of postpartum depression?

PPD affects all women differently. You probably won't experience everything on the following list (and the degree of symptoms may range from mild to severe), but if a number of these apply to you, you may be suffering from postpartum depression.

• Feeling hopeless, worthless or inadequate
• Frequent crying or tearfulness
• Insomnia or sleepiness
• Lack of energy
• Loss of pleasure in activities you normally enjoy
• Difficulty doing typical daily chores
• Loss of appetite
• Feelings of sadness and despair
• Feelings of guilt, panic or confusion
• Feelings of anger or anxiety
• Extreme mood swings
• Memory loss
• Over concern for baby
• Fear of "losing control"
• Lack of interest in sex
• Worrying that you may hurt your baby
• A desire to escape from your baby or your family
• Withdrawal from social circles and routines
• Thoughts about hurting yourself

If you suffer from extreme degrees of any of these symptoms, particularly thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby, or if you have additional physical symptoms such as hallucinations, confusion or paranoia, you should call a doctor immediately.

What can I do about postpartum depression?

Contact your OB/GYN or your midwife for a referral to a PPD expert who can evaluate your condition. He may suggest medication, such as antidepressants (there are breastfeeding-friendly options), and therapy. In addition, the following things can help you begin to feel better:

1. Talk to someone you trust. Sharing your feelings with someone who cares about you, even if you feel you can't talk specifically about postpartum depression, can help.

2. Knowledge is power. Reading books about baby care and parenting will help you feel more confident, which in turn will help you feel more in control of your situation.

3. Join a support group. While postpartum depression support groups are an excellent choice, any group for new mothers that allows you to share your feelings about motherhood can help you feel less isolated.

The following websites can help you find a postpartum depression support group in your area:

4. Accept help from others.  If anyone offers to help you⎯whether it's to take your baby for a walk, cook a meal or drive your older kids to sports practice⎯accept! You don't have to do everything yourself to be a good mother.

5. Get extra sleep. Forget about the clock. Just sleep whenever you can.

6. Relax your standards. This is not the time to worry about a spotless house, gourmet meals, the corporate ladder or the last time you had a manicure. Stick to the basics and concentrate on taking care of yourself and your baby.

7. Get fresh air.  When possible, put your baby in the sling or stroller and take a walk. The exercise and open spaces will help you feel more energized and lift your spirits.

8. Eat healthy foods. Taking care of yourself is important-focus on fresh fruits and vegetables, and making simple, nutritious, meals.

9. Eat frequently. Going long stretches without food wreaks havoc on your system. Simple snacks, like an apple with peanut butter, are easy to prepare and prevent your blood sugar from dipping.

10. Love yourself. You are going to be okay. Take it one step at a time. With help and time, you'll develop a refreshing and healthy outlook to your new role as a mother.

Baby Car Travel Tips

Some babies love nothing more than a mini road trip, but for other’s their car seat is akin to a mini torture device. Here’s how to make road trips more pleasant for even the most resistant traveller.

Baby Car Travel

• Place your child in the car seat while you’re at home so she can become comfortable with it.
• Place a mirror or other interesting object on the back of the seat that your baby is facing.
• Many babies are soothed by adult music–especially softer hits such as the Beatles.
• Practice with short, pleasant trips when your baby is in a good mood. A few good experiences may help set a new travel pattern.

istening to your baby cry while you are trying to drive is challenging. But a few new ideas and a little time and maturity can help your baby become a happy traveler. Pick and choose from our list of car travel tips until you find one that works for your child.

1. Make sure your baby is healthy.

If car seat crying is something new your baby may not be feeling well. If your child is also fussy at home, a visit to the doctor is in order.

2. Bring the car seat in the house and let your baby sit and play in it.

Once your child becomes more familiar with the seat, she may be happier to sit there in the car.

3. Keep a special box of soft, safe car toys for use only in the car.

New, interesting toys may help hold your child’s attention. (Avoid hard toys because they could cause injury in a quick stop.)

4. Tape or hang toys for viewing.

Place a mirror or other interesting object on the back of the seat that your baby is facing. Or, string an array of lightweight toys from the ceiling using heavy tape and yarn. Place toys at arm’s reach so your baby can bat at them from her seat.

5. Make a car mobile.

Link a long row of plastic baby chains from one side of the backseat to the other. Clip new soft, lightweight toys onto the chain for each trip. Make sure toys are secure and keep on eye on them to ensure they don’t come loose while driving.

6. Hang a made-for-baby poster on the back of the seat that faces your baby.

Black, white, red and bold primary colors are a great way to catch baby’s attention. You can even buy baby car posters that have pockets so you can interchange the pictures.

7. Experiment with different types of music in the car.

Some babies enjoy lullabies or music tapes made especially for young children, while others surprise you by calming down as soon as you play one of your personal favorites. (Beatles hits tend to be a child favorite.) If all else fails, some babies think mom or dad sound even better than Beyonce so try singing along.

8.Try “white noise” in the car.

Purchase a CD of soothing nature sounds or make a recording of a vacuum cleaner or other background noise.

9. Practice with short, pleasant trips when your baby is in a good mood.

A few good experiences may help set a new pattern.

10. Try a pacifier or teething toy.

When your baby has something to suck or chew on she may be happier.

11. Place a sunshade in the window.

Some babies are bothered by the sunshine in their face and a sunshade can help. Opt for stick-on varieties, avoiding any hard pieces that could become dislodged in a quick stop.

12. Try opening a window.

Fresh air and a nice breeze can be soothing.

How to Hire a Nanny

Your guide to finding the perfect nanny for your family.

Finding a Nanny

• Decide on the qualifications and/or education you require the nanny to have.
• Because you can deduct room and board expenses, a live-in nanny may have less take-home pay than a live-out.
• Any nanny who is caring for an infant or toddler should have current First Aid and CPR training.
• Personally interview each nanny and ask specific, scenario-type questions (“What would you do if…?”)
• Have your nanny come to your home for a paid trial day.

iring a nanny for your children can be stressful, especially for the first time. Here’s everything you need to know to make the process easier so you can find the best care for your kids.

Live-in, or live-out?

Before you start your search, establish what kind of nanny you need. Sit down and decide if you want a "live-in” or "live-out" nanny.

A live-in nanny lives in your home, so you will need to consider space and privacy issues relative to your home and family. You also need to decide on the qualifications and/or education you require the nanny to have, and the duties she will be doing on a daily basis.

For example, are you looking for someone whose only responsibility is childcare, or would you like to find someone willing to do some housework, or cooking? Do you want a nanny with an Early Childhood Education background, someone who speaks another language, or who has their drivers license so they can help pick your kids up from school?

How much should you pay?

Taking the nanny’s responsibilities into consideration, think about the wage you will offer. At first, you can get an idea of the going rate in your area by contacting neighbors, friends and coworkers who have hired nannies. You can then set a wage, $12 per hour for example, or a range that you’ll pay within, such as $10 to $14 per hour, depending on experience and qualifications.

Remember–a live-in nanny is living in your home, so you can deduct room and board expenses from her pay, which means that a live-in nanny may have less take-home pay than a live-out.

Finding the best nanny for your family

Here are 12 tips to keep in mind when you’re hiring a nanny:

1. Write a job description for the position. This explains to the applicants what the job is that they’re applying for, so you’ll want to be descriptive, but fairly brief. You’ll need this description when you’re advertising for your nanny, as well as to refer to after hiring

2. Give yourself time to search for, and interview, a nanny. Try to interview more than one nanny to allow for comparison – don’t cram too many interviews into one day.

3. Personally interview the nanny. Create a relaxed atmosphere that shows you’re well-organized. Ask specific, scenario-type questions (“What would you do if…?”) and be sure to describe your position in detail. Avoid asking the nanny to provide childcare during the first interview.

4. Perform screening and reference checks. Consider asking each nanny for a Police Record check. Any nanny who is caring for an infant and/or toddler should have current First Aid and CPR training. Ask for references and call them; they can either confirm what the nanny has said, or contradict it. (You should do this even if you use a placement agency.)

5. Be honest and realistic about your expectations. Provide your nanny with the detailed job description that you have prepared. Include your child’s temperament and development.

6. Have your nanny come to your home for a paid trial day. You can observe how the nanny interacts with your children, and can ensure that she is the right match for your family. This also gives your child time to become comfortable with the nanny.

7. Sign a contract. When you choose a nanny, ensure that you both agree upon all responsibilities, duties, wages, hours and terms of employment before she starts work in your home–this should be in writing and signed by both nanny and parent.

8. On the first day, take the nanny on a tour of your home. Provide her with the location of the First Aid kit and fire extinguisher, as well as any emergency plans you have made with your children. Make her aware of any rooms that the children are not allowed to play in.

9. Prepare your child. If your child is old enough, talk to them about what to expect and encourage them to ask question and express fears.

10. Leave your nanny with all emergency information. This should include all emergency services, a phone number for where you will be and an immediate adult backup number.

11. Write out instructions–including warming bottles and food, routines, special conditions or medications.

12. Say good-bye. When it is time to leave for the first time, say good-bye to your children and the nanny and leave. Don’t sneak out–this makes your children think there is something wrong.

Remember that when you hire a nanny, you become an employer and, to ensure that you are a good employer, you need to receive regular feedback from your nanny and your children. Keep the lines of communication open and also provide your nanny with regular feedback on her performance.

Separation Anxiety

Is your infant only happy when you’re within arm’s reach? Here’s how to ease her through this normal stage of development.

Separation Anxiety

• Separation anxiety is a normal (and positive) developmental stage that most babies experience between seven and 18 months.
• The development of separation anxiety shows your baby has established a healthy bond with you and that she is developing intellectually.
• Your infant may be experiencing separation anxiety if she becomes clingy, afraid of strangers and cries when you're out of sight but is easily comforted in your arms.
• Give your baby lessons in object permanence with games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek and practice with quick, safe separations (go into another room and whistle, sing, or talk to your baby so she knows you're still there, even though she can't see you).
• Don't sneak away when you have to leave her–tell your baby what to expect and express a positive attitude when leaving her.

 

f you leave the room and your baby cries as if you’ve left the country, she may be suffering from separation anxiety. First of all, don’t worry that you’ve somehow spoiled her–nothing you’ve done has “made” your baby act this way. It’s a normal and important developmental stage and nearly all children experience separation anxiety between the ages of seven and 18 months.

What is separation anxiety?

The development of separation anxiety demonstrates that your baby has formed a healthy, loving attachment to you. It is a sign that your baby associates pleasure, comfort and security with your presence. It also indicates that your baby is developing intellectually (in other words, she’s smart!). She has learned that she can have an effect on her world when she makes her needs known and she doesn’t have to passively accept a situation that makes her uncomfortable.

But she doesn’t know enough about the world yet to understand that when you leave her you’ll always come back. This stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass. In time, your baby will learn that she can separate from you, that you will return, and that everything will be okay between those two points in time. Much of this learning is based on trust, which, just as for every human being young or old, takes time to build.

How do I know if my baby has separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety is pretty easy to spot. The following are behaviors typically demonstrated by a baby with normal separation anxiety:

• Clinginess
• Crying when a parent is out of sight
• Strong preference for only one parent
• Fear of strangers
• Waking at night crying for a parent
• Easily comforted in a parent’s embrace

 

How can I help my baby deal with separation anxiety?

1. Allow your baby to be a baby. It’s perfectly okay for your baby to be attached to you and for her to desire your constant companionship. It’s evidence that the bond you’ve worked so hard to create is holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.

2. Don’t worry about spoiling her with love, since quite the opposite will happen. The more that you meet her attachment needs during babyhood, the more confident and secure she will grow up to be.

3. Minimize separations when possible. It’s perfectly acceptable for now to avoid those situations that would have you separate from your baby. All too soon, your baby will move past this phase and on to the next developmental milestone.

4. Give your baby lessons in object permanence. As your baby learns that things continue to exist even when she can’t see them, she’ll feel better about letting you out of her sight. Games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek will help her understand this phenomenon.

5. Practice with quick, safe separations. Throughout the day, create situations of brief separation. When you go into another room, whistle, sing, or talk to your baby so she knows you’re still there, even though she can’t see you.

6. Don’t sneak away when you have to leave her. It may seem easier than dealing with a tearful goodbye, but it will just cause her constant worry that you’re going to disappear without warning at any given moment. The result? Even more clinginess and diminished trust in your relationship.

7. Tell your baby what to expect. If you are going to the store and leaving her at home with Grandma, explain where you are going and tell her when you’ll be back. Eventually, she’ll come to understand your explanations.

8. Don’t rush the parting, but don’t prolong it, either. Give your baby time to process your leave-taking, but don’t drag it out and make it more painful for both of you.

9. Express a positive attitude when leaving her. If you’re off to work or an evening out, leave with a smile. Your baby will absorb your emotions, so if you’re nervous about leaving her, she’ll be nervous as well. Your confidence will help alleviate her fears.

10. Leave your baby with familiar people. If you must leave her with a new caregiver, try to arrange a few visits when you’ll all be together before you leave the two of them alone for the first time.

11. Invite distractions. If you’re leaving your baby with a caregiver or relative, encourage that person to get your baby involved with playtime as you leave. Say a quick good-bye and let your baby be distracted by an interesting activity.

12. Allow your baby the separation that she initiates. If she crawls off to another room, don’t rush after her. Listen and peek, of course, to make sure that she’s safe, but let her know it’s fine for her to go off exploring on her own.

13. Encourage her relationship with a special toy, if she seems to have one. These are called transitional objects or lovies. They can be a comfort to her when she’s separated from you. Many babies adopt blankets or soft toys as loveys, holding them to ease any pain of separation. The lovey becomes a friend and represents security in the face of change.

14. Don’t take it personally. Many babies go through a stage of attaching themselves to one parent or the other. The other parent (as well as grandparents, siblings and friends) can find this difficult to accept, but try to reassure them that it’s just a temporary and normal phase of development and with a little time and gentle patience, it will pass.