Teaching Toddlers Responsibility

What mom doesn’t dream of raising a responsible child who goes about her chores cheerfully and remembers to do them without nagging.Will your child live up to this vision? Probably not (at the very least you’ll have to nag now and then!). But that doesn’t mean you can’t give your toddler some household tasks to tackle now. Even though your two-year-old is still too tiny to keep up with a set schedule of chores, you can take advantage of her desire to mimic you (and Dad) and give her a few jobs to do as you go about your day. She’ll get a real feeling of accomplishment as she pitches in and does her share — and that, in turn, will feed into her sense of responsibility, especially when you reward her “help” with a lot of hugs and kisses (“Nice work, Sweetie!”). Eventually, those small jobs can grow into regular chores when she’s a preschooler (and beyond) — even if those assignments are simple ones like getting dressed on her own and putting her dirty clothes into the hamper.

To get started, try these tips:

Begin early. By 18 months, kids are able to understand simple commands (“Bring me your sippy cup, please!”).  They also have the manual dexterity and attention span for small chores, like putting away one of their books at the end of story time or watering the plants (as long as you don't mind that the table and floor get splashed, too). Some other tasks that are perfect for two-year-olds learning responsibility: Helping you pick up the toys, sort her clean socks, or throw paper into the recycling bin (make sure you hand her the papers first — you don’t want to be going through the recycling bin searching for a missing bill!). A three-year-old can try her hand at setting the table (nonbreakables only!) and helping you pull weeds. The trick is to break down the job into smaller parts (“Let’s put away the dolls first, and then we can tackle the blocks’) and show your child exactly what you want her to do. Lower your expectations, too — if she just sorts one pair of socks or puts away two stuffed animals, that’s good enough to begin with.

Make chores fun. Just as it’s easier for you to vacuum if you’ve got the iPod playing, anything that makes helping out fun will keep your toddler interested. Make up silly songs that the two of you can belt out as you pick up the toys or set the table. Try turning kids' chores into games; for example, you might challenge your child to put away her clothes before you finish folding the towels and sheets. When she’s closer to three, consider putting up a chore chart in her room that she can fill with her choice of stickers when she’s finished one of her tasks (taking her plate and cup to the sink, say, or sorting her socks).

Keep the pressure off. However good your intentions, criticizing your toddler’s work or “fixing” what she’s done will make her feel like she’s done something wrong and sap her desire to pitch in. You can guide her as she’s doing the task (“Wow! That’s a really clean tomato! Let’s wash that cucumber now!”), but don't butt in or take over. You may need to redo some of your toddler’s work (like redust the furniture or reclean the window), but don't let her see you do so — if you really want to teach responsibility, you want her to feel that it's her job, not yours. Instead, lavish plenty of praise and encouragement for whatever she’s accomplished. Just remember to keep giving her gentle reminders as she works — even if she’s doing the same chore she did that morning. Toddlers have short memories, which is why they live in the moment (and think chores are a blast).