Hard-won Lessons

6 Things Nobody Told Me About Potty Training

by Carol Sjostrom Miller

When it's time to potty train your child, there is certainly no shortage of advice. You'd think there would be no surprises left. Yet – even with all the books, articles and suggestions from friends, relatives and even complete strangers – I often found myself wondering, "Why didn't anyone tell me this?" when I potty trained my daughter. Now that Stephanie has passed this milestone, I offer these hard-won lessons you won't hear from anyone else.

• Don't worry about terminology. The books advise starting the process by choosing a "potty vocabulary," and parents can spend hours debating the merits of "pee" vs. "tinkle" and "poop" vs. "BM." This is a waste of time. No matter what you choose, the first time your child watches the Once Upon a Potty video (and, trust me, your child will watch it until everyone in the house hears "The Potty Song" in their dreams), it will forever be "wee wee" and "poo poo."

• Summer may not be the best time to train. I can definitely see the logic behind the common advice to potty train children in the summer. When it is warm, the theory goes, a child can spend entire days bottomless, inside or outside, and he will learn to use the potty quickly.

  Well, I bought right into this and pictured Stephanie spending summer days naked in the backyard, potty by her side. Big mistake! As soon as summer came, our yard was infested with gnats and mosquitoes. Since there are some places you can't put insect repellent (not to mention sunscreen), Stephanie, the potty and I were stuck in the house. If we had to be inside anyway, it would have been much more bearable in rotten weather.

• After you empty your child's potty into the toilet, put the toilet seat down. If you are like me, you have spent your entire marriage nagging your husband to put the seat down. Every time you forget to do this is his chance to get revenge. Need I say more?

• The first time your child does "poo poo" in the potty, you will want him to stay in diapers forever. Think about it. A diaper can be changed quickly and disposed of without a second thought. The potty, on the other hand, needs to be emptied, wiped out, cleaned thoroughly and (if you're neurotic like me) sprayed with disinfectant. Diapers really are easier.

  

• You should practice running as fast as you can, while holding your child in the air and yelling, "Coming through! I have a 2-year-old who can't wait!" This skill will come in handy when you have to sprint past the line in a public restroom because your child has to go "Right now, Mommy!" Don't feel guilty about bypassing the line in this situation. Just don't abuse the privilege, which brings us to...

• Your child will then start a riot as you exit the stall by announcing, "Mommy did wee wee, too." Since you have to stay in the bathroom long enough to wash everyone's hands carefully, you have no choice but to laugh and say in your loudest voice, "That's right, Mommy did wee wee just before we left the house." And then whisper, "And we will have lunch at McDonald's if you don't say another word while we're in the bathroom."